In The Thick Of It

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Who has the time for anything?

Since moving and starting a new job I feel like when I’m not working all I can do is move my body and rest my brain. Great for my butt – not so great for my mind.

Full disclosure – I am not a Dali fan (maybe it’s the headache of how many fakes there are out there). That being said, this melting clock – I get it now.

So how do we deal? Be present. Ugh. Just be present. I’m working on it. Those delicious little moments you find can last forever if you stay with them. Remembering to do that though is the tricky part. My mind is trained to leap forward and plan the upcoming hour for maximum efficiency. The problem with that being I miss out on those wonderful in-between parts of the day that are actually the most joyful.

I will say this – Seattle certainly encourages being present. It’s so beautiful here. It’s hard not to stop and take a breath when you realize a huge mountain is looming in the distance or a breeze brings the briny sound air to your morning walk. I am working on treasuring those moments and holding them with me through my days.

Le sigh. The work never ends, does it?

Below are some neat things – mostly art – that are keeping me present.

When to close your eyes. 

This is fascinating – I certainly believe how I eat contributes to my state of mind. 

Just finished this book – a deeply moving story of how life can change in an instant.

Sufjan Stevens newest album Carrie and Lowell is a work of art. 

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Grown Up Stuff

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Obsessing over Ilya Bolotowsky’s work right now. It is unusually serious work – maybe my taste is finally catching up to my age.

Back from a work trip! Loving being home! Having your own place to live is AMAZING. I danced around the kitchen to Nina Simone all weekend with joy!

This post about what every 30-year-old’s closet needs is hilarious! 

Social Media. Sigh. I get why this app “makes sense” but I’m afraid it only brings out the nasty in people (and not in a good way…).

McDonald’s is officially Scrooge. On the plus side, GO SEATTLE!

I watched Singing In The Rain on the plane ride home. Sigh. I wish I could tap… actually, I just wish Gene Kelly was on hand to tap for me whenever I needed a pick-me-up.

Thirtysomething

I am quickly approaching the big THREE-OH. As in, “OH – I’m already 30?”. Sigh. Where did the time go?

Here’s the thing – I HATE listening to people complain about getting old. We should be celebrating! We made it! We haven’t died yet! That’s pretty COOL!

Not to mention, your twenties may be immensely fun but are also immensely hard. It’s a time of reckless fun with the mistakes and suffering to match. I romanticize that time (especially after a glass or two of wine)  – but ultimately the 20’s are an exhausting decade.

So why the eff am I so effing scared?

Sigh. Change is scary. I may be psyching myself out, but I swear I am detecting some major physical changes as I get closer to hitting 30. My skin is all of a sudden very dry. I can’t eat whatever I want anymore. I actually have to work out to feel “normal” in my body now. Maybe all the chaos of my younger years was a furnace for all that junk I use to eat? I don’t know! It’s a big confusing change.

I want to fight it. But then… I start to think about what women who fight aging end up like. I totally agree that society places unreasonable demands on women to remain sexual creatures (if we aren’t fertile, then what’s the point, right?), but I don’t want to be pumping my face full of chemicals just to keep up with that game. It just isn’t worth it.

So, Thirty. Here I come. Waistline be damned – I’m coming for you with joy and love in my heard. Hey – I made it this far, right?

No Big Secret

When I was a kid, I assumed my parents knew everything. It took awhile for me to realize they weren’t superheroes. It took even longer for me to arrive at the scary truth:

Grown-ups don’t know anything.

Seriously.

Nobody really knows what they’re doing, so do whatever. Okay – obviously this statement should be taken with a grain of salt, but basically don’t assume that other people “know what is best”. I still battle with this because it is frankly terrifying to realize that everyone is human, imperfect. There are no superheroes – although they tend to battle their own fatal weaknesses (Superman I’m looking at you).

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This year I am working on taking comfort in the fact we are all human, instead of letting it make me feel small and afraid. Nobody has all the answers. That’s great! It means there are more things for me to discover for myself.

So sally forth and forge new worlds! You can’t count on these grown ups to do it for you.

Same as it ever was…

It’s my birthday. So fuck it.

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I don’t really mind getting older, but I do hate “growing up”. What am I doing with my life? Am I happy? Where is all this going?

I’m not sure. I’ll probably never be sure. Logically I know that’s okay – but the tiny control freak in me keeps screaming, “JUST FIGURE IT ALL OUT ALREADY!”.

Sigh. Okay internets – what you got for a birthday girl?

This is terrifying. I’ve strangely become a bad flier in the past year, and a mid-air collision is basically my worst nightmare.

Bonjour Cannes! Carole Bouquet – I just want to be you when I grow up.

Hmmm. This interview is a bit much, but I am intrigued nonetheless…